As iron sharpens iron,
so one person sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17
The expression “peer pressure” certainly carries a negative connotation. Secular and non-secular studies alike have confirmed the impact (particularly during adolescence) of peers. Teenagers, when influenced by their friends, are far more vulnerable to substance abuse, reckless behavior, bullying, and a host of other things that are potentially life-altering.
As conscientious Christian parents, we may try to postpone the timing of those influences … but please don’t ever assume you can avoid them altogether. And please don’t assume that another teen is godly, simply because he or she was raised in a godly family (to the best of your knowledge).
When our children are young, we control their relationships. We choose who they play with, what they do, and where they go. And to a certain extent—especially when parents are very engaged with their kids—that can continue into adolescence.
But at some point, we need to hand them the reins. Only you, as the parent, can decide when is the right time for that to happen. It will be a decision not only unique to each family, but perhaps to each child.
If we are devoted to teaching and training their hearts, our focus will be to prepare them to make good choices for themselves and help them understand how they can do that. It’s easy to build high walls and keep them in place until our children turn 18 … but what happens then?
As a mother of four adults, I’m a long-time advocate of communication early on. Ask your children what makes a good friend. Role play with questions like, “What would you do if ___?” Using “worst case scenario” tools, empower them for as many situations as you can imagine. Explain some of your own poor choices (or those you have witnessed in others) as a warning. Pray. Talk. Share.
We must prepare our children to make wise choices in friends. We must also challenge them to be a positive influence upon others.
Here are a few questions that come to mind for discussion with your child:
- What qualities make for a good friend?
- Who is your best friend and why?
- What would you do if a friend wanted you to watch or do something that made you feel uncomfortable?
- What did Joseph do when he was in an uncomfortable situation? (See Genesis 39)
- Did I ever tell you about the time …?
Each passing year is one less we have to be the daily, primary influence upon our children. Ultimately, we hope and pray it is the voice of the Holy Spirit they choose to heed above all. But we know that peers will also influence their lives, attitudes, and behaviors.
If they choose well, peer pressure can be a profoundly positive influence in the lives of our children.
Lord, I pray for my children and for their friends.
I pray You would raise up a generation of Christ followers
who love You and love Your Word.
I pray my children would choose their confidants well.
I pray You would hedge them in from the wrong friends
and steer them to those who will be a positive influence –
that they would mutually encourage each other to live for You,
always and in all ways.
May iron sharpen iron in all their relationships.
Amen.
In this week’s Martha Monday video, Laura introduces our September Write the WORD bookmark, which includes 30 prompts for those of us who want to pray for our children (or grandchildren) but aren’t always sure where to begin.
You can download your own copy of September’s bookmark and optional S.O.A.P. Bible study pages here.
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