“Above all else, guard your heart,
for it is the wellspring of life.”
Proverbs 4:23
What is it about children that has them always longing to be older—wanting more privileges and opportunities? Every mother has heard questions like:
- When can I watch PG movies?
- Can I go to the amusement park with a group of friends?
- When can I have my own cell phone?
- Can I borrow the car?
- Can I go shopping with my friends?
- Can I get a laptop this school year?
- When can I go on a date?
The ones you hear may not be those specifically, but your child will ask to do things, see things, spend time with people, and go places that give you pause or even make you shudder.
We want desperately to protect them, but we also want to raise responsible, well-rounded adults who will impact the world for the Kingdom of King Jesus. In the midst of the child-rearing years, you’re often exhausted and overwhelmed, and may feel like you have all the time in the world to teach and train. Some days it’s just about survival and keeping them all alive!
A wise person once told me: The days go by slow, but the years go by fast. Take it from this mother of four adult children, that is sage insight!
This verse reminds us that all our teaching and training needs to zero in on the heart.
Physically speaking, the heart is the indicator of life. As long as there is a heartbeat, there is life—even as other organs may shut down. Remember that first ultrasound? I recall the technician pointing to a flashing light on the screen and telling me that was my baby’s heartbeat. Technology has come a long way since my first pregnancy in 1989, but I still tear up thinking about the wonder and joy of that experience.
As the writer of Proverbs 4:23 reminds us in this verse, the heart is the “wellspring of life.” It is the reservoir of our affections, motivations, and convictions; the source of our attitudes, actions, words, thoughts, and behaviors.
As parents, it’s easy to get caught up in controlling outward behaviors; to bully and force our children into compliance using our authority and parental rights.
Please don’t.
Don’t settle for “have to” when training your children. Instead, choose to pray, lead, and guide them to a place of “want to.” Go after their hearts. If we have done our job well as parents, each year should find us releasing more and more trust and responsibility to our children so they are ready to make wise decisions by the time they become adults.
Today I’d like to share ten “Guard Their Hearts” thoughts, as we unpack Proverbs 4:23 together:
GUARDING THEIR HEARTS IS YOUR JOB.
Whether through TV, books, friends, video games, the horrors to be found on the internet, or something else, the evil one wants to capture the hearts of our children. We don’t need to be fearful, but we must be aware. Don’t abdicate your responsibility.
It may be easy to keep a child occupied in front of a screen, so you can check your email or cook dinner, but know what they are watching. Don’t let anyone or anything engage your precious ones without first checking it out yourself. You would never open the front door and invite someone you’ve never met to babysit, so why allow a stranger on a screen to have access? This has become even more true as our culture embraces ever more warped and ungodly views on so many things.
TRAIN THEM IN SELF-CONTROL.
While it is your job to be the watchman on the walls of their hearts when they are young, eventually you want them to make good choices for themselves. The goal is helping them move from “have to” to “want to.” Work toward the day that your children claim this verse for themselves: I will set nothing wicked before my eyes… Psalm 101:3
EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT.
Parenting is not a one-size-fits-all plan. Just as some children learn to walk at 9 months and others at 16 months, so they will each be ready for growing-up opportunities at different ages. Don’t be afraid to deal with each child as the individual they are.
I chuckled when Peter looked at John and said to Jesus, “What about him?” Jesus responded: If I want him to be remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me. John 21:22b
If Jesus had a unique plan for each disciple, it’s certainly okay for parents to have a unique plan for each child.
EVERY FAMILY IS DIFFERENT.
Your family may have chosen to have no television in your home, to share one internet-connected computer, or decided your children will never spend the night with a friend. But make no mistake, you will still need to address the issues of heart.
THE LINE WILL EVENTUALLY HAVE TO BE CROSSED.
Setting up hedges of protection is our job. We must protect our children. But at some point they will grow up and they must be prepared for dealing with the temptations and challenges the world will present. They must cross the line at some point from parental control to self-control.
ALLOW THEM TO EXPERIENCE THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR CHOICES.
Don’t expect them to be perfect; they are being raised by imperfect parents. We are grown-up sinners raising little sinners. Their mess-ups offer the best opportunity for teaching and training. We do them a disservice if we don’t let them learn early on that choices have consequences. It is love that prompts a parent to discipline a child. In fact, we should pray they are caught when guilty, and pray that we as parents respond calmly and appropriately—seizing that situation as a teachable moment.
My son, do not despise the LORD’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in. Proverbs 3:11-12
TRUST BUT VERIFY.
While some of our readers may be too young to remember when President Reagan was dealing with the Soviets, “trust but verify” was a good plan then, and it’s still a good plan for parents monitoring the behaviors of their children.
Trust that they will obey, but verify. It is your right—and responsibility—to monitor the websites they are visiting, the text messages they are sending, and the movies they are streaming. If they tell you they are going to a certain place, confirm that’s where they are. When/if they fail, don’t allow your own anger to rob you of the opportunity to teach and train.
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. James 1:19-20
PRAISE THE GOOD CHOICES.
My mama used to say, “You get more flies with honey than vinegar.” It’s much easier to catch our children doing right and praise them for it, than to catch them doing wrong and criticize them. Praise for their good choices will, in turn, make it easier for them to receive our constructive criticism and discipline.
Above all, they must know and believe that we love them, and trust that we have their best interests at heart.
COMMUNICATION IS KEY.
Every relationship (whether it is a friendship, husband/wife, employer/employee, or parent/child) thrives or fails with communication. We can never assume that any other person—especially an immature child—understands our motivations and expectations.
Make sure your kids not only understand what you expect, but why. “Because I’m the mom!” may work for managing outward behavior, but tends to be not-so-effective when we’re going after their hearts.
PRAY.
James reminds us: …The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:16b Parenting is hard work. It is a spiritual, physical, emotional, and mental battle. The hearts of our children are on the line. We can’t do this on our own or with our own strength.
If you are a believer, you need to “woman up” … and fall to your knees in prayer. What a sweet relief to talk to the One who knows our kids best and loves them most—even more than we love them. His is a perfect, all-knowing, infallible love.
Mom, hang in there. Parenting is hard work, a great challenge that comes with the sweetest of blessings. Keep praying, and keep asking God for wisdom in how to guard their hearts—until they are prepared to guard their own.
When discussing the subject of privileges and growing up, I used to tell my kids, “You will know you are grown up when you can say no to yourself. Until then, it’s my job to say no for you!”
Would you join with me in praying that our children have the desire and self-control to guard their own hearts?
Father, thank you for these precious children that you have entrusted me to raise. Thank you for the encouragement and blessing your Word provides to assist me in this high and holy calling. Lord, fill me with Your Spirit, and let the fruit of Your Spirit be released upon me as I teach and train. I pray that love would lead out as I disciple and discipline my children. Help me to be wise and intentional to guard their hearts. I pray for the day they each have the desire to guard their own hearts. I pray that You would fill each with a desire to live to please You in all they do. Keep them from evil … protect them from evil … may they have no desire for evil. I pray my little ones would grow to be strong men and women of God that live to bring You glory!
In this week’s devotional video, Laura talks about the importance of praying for our children and grandchildren.
We’re only one week into the month of August, with weeks left to read, write, and ponder the verses from Proverbs in our current Write the WORD. Have you printed your bookmark and S.O.A.P. study pages? If not, we invite you to visit our Downloads page today, where you’ll find these, and other, free resources.
