But the Lord said to Moses and Aaron,
“Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them.”
Numbers 20:12
I’ve read Numbers 20 many, many times over the years and each time I’m left with a nagging sense of feeling like Moses got a bad rap. (pun intended).
After all, who could blame him for finally losing it? He was given a bunch of whiners (too big to spank) to lead through the wilderness. They were complainers, they were ungrateful, and they were quick to blame Moses—never acknowledging his many sacrifices and intercessions on their behalf.
Today it occurs to me – if I place the rationalization for my behavior in the context of horizontal relationships, I can always justify my sin:
- I’m not as bad as so and so….
- Well….she didn’t do what I asked….
- He started it!
- Am I supposed to just take it…?
Moses was able to extend grace to those people so long and so repeatedly because his focus was vertical – it was firmly fixed on God.
Once we go horizontal, we lose our anchor, our lock-in on the target, we spin out of control (I know at this point you are asking, “Geez…how many metaphors can she possibly squeeze into one sentence?!)
Like David, Moses’ sin was against God Himself. Moses allowed his (justified) anger with people to trump the holy respect and awe that must be given to God.
How many times, I wonder, has my assignment been to speak, but I chose to strike?
- …when I disciplined a child in anger?
- …when I allowed emotion to trump logic in a disagreement with my husband?
- …when I allowed a conversation to spiral downward to gossip and maligning someone’s character?
To speak and not strike requires a filling of the Spirit, a settled assurance that God sees my plight. A trust that He will work this out – defend my cause, bring about resolution, and restore what is broken.
To speak is a manifestation of the Spirit. Spirit-inspired words are laced with the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
This is such a huge challenge when I have been wronged…or even more so when my child has been wronged. When someone else is clearly culpable, I have “license” for righteous indignation. Oh, how we love to be right! It’s so easy to charge ahead with an entitlement to make the call, write the letter, get someone told – to roll in like a steam roller and flatten everyone in our path.
Sometimes we even resort to name calling like Moses in Numbers 20:10, “Listen, you rebels…”
Sometimes, I, too, just want to strike. I feel entitled to strike. I want desperately to strike. I feel that I’ll blow a gasket if I don’t strike. (An image comes to mind at this point of my mom’s pressure canner filled with seven quarts of green beans, the little knob on top jiggling away excitedly.)
God alone must be my release valve. He can and will deal with my pressurized emotions if I come to Him. He will always enable me to do what He calls (or NOT do what He has not called me to do!) This is especially true when every fiber in my being wants desperately to set someone straight (or as my mama used to say, “Jerk a knot in someone’s tail!”)
If God says to strike, then strike. But if God says speak, we’d best be laying down the stick.
